Never Gonna Leave This Bed
by musicinme57
Summary: Castiel has always taken comfort from watching Dean sleep, but things change after Michael. (Cross-posted on AO3)
1. Nightmares

Castiel has always taken comfort from watching Dean sleep, but things change after Michael.

Set sometime after Season 14, Episode 2, so spoilers for that.

Title from the Maroon 5 song which really has nothing to do with the story, but absolutely _would not_ leave my brain the _entire_ time I was writing it.

* * *

Cas trudged down the hallway, feet dragging. Between the hunters coming back wounded and Jack getting injured while training, Cas had been healing a lot of injuries over the past few days.

Cas wasn't exactly tired, not in the same way he had been tired when he was human, but it was a similar feeling. He needed to rest and recharge. He considered going back to his room and watching some of his favorite shows on Netflix, but the thought made him feel restless.

As he rounded a corner in the hallway, he spotted the door to Dean's room.

He stopped and listened outside the door to check that Dean was asleep and slipped into the room. Cas sank gratefully into the chair by Dean's bed and took a deep breath. He felt some of the tension release its grip on the muscles in his shoulders.

Cas closed his eyes and focused on slowing his breathing enough to match Dean's as he slept and settled into the familiar, quiet peace that accompanied this ritual.

Castiel loved watching over Dean while he slept. Just being in the same room, listening to him breathe, it grounded and calmed Cas the way nothing else could.

All those nights during heaven's war, when the sights and sounds of his brothers and sisters dying had become too much, he'd been desperate to find something, anything, to forget the horror for a little while.

He had found Dean.

Not that Cas had been able watch over Dean as much since the fall had damaged his wings. Now he could only indulge himself when he happened to be in close proximity to the hunter when he fell asleep.

He also wasn't sure exactly when Dean had become okay with it. When he had stopped jolting awake, reaching for his gun, before realizing it was Cas and telling him to stop staring at him while he slept because it was creepy.

Regardless of when Dean had started to be okay with Cas watching over him as he slept, he definitely didn't have a problem with it after Cas had come back from the empty. Dean had had more than one nightmare about Lucifer stabbing Cas to death since he'd been back.

When the angel had asked him how many of those nightmares Dean had had while Cas was gone, he had looked away and growled, "Enough."

When Dean had woken from those nightmares, Cas had been there and that had been enough to reassure the hunter and lull him back to sleep.

That was before Michael. Now Dean was having nightmares with almost the same frequency and intensity as he had when he had gotten back from Hell.

Now Dean would wake up thrashing on his bed, gasping for air and Cas would be there, talking him down, reminding Dean that he was free. That he was away from Michael and that the dreams weren't real.

Now Cas was the one grounding and calming Dean.

* * *

 _NO!_

 _Not again!_

Drowning!

He was drowning!

Dean felt his throat constrict and his lungs burn.

Panic clawed at his mind.

 _Air!_

 _Need air!_

Dean heard and saw it all.

Michael torturing.

Michael killing.

Michael using Dean's body to build an army.

An army of monsters.

He had to fight.

He had to get back control of his body.

He had to stop Michael.

He flailed and clawed at what seemed to be an infinite amount of water.

Suddenly his lungs cleared.

He gasped a breath.

He felt the sweet relief of his lungs finally filling with air.

He gasped again.

Water flooded his lungs.

 _No!_

 _Not again!_

* * *

Dean thrashed and sat bolt upright in bed, choking.

Cas started out of the daze he had fallen into.

Dean was flailing in the dark, unable to draw breath.

Cas sprang forward and grabbed Dean's arm.

Dean tried to shake him off.

"Dean, wake up! Dean!" Cas said, desperately.

Still Dean flailed, throwing random punches in the dark.

Cas touched Dean's forehead to scan for injury.

Dean's lungs were locked up. He was unable to breathe.

Cas had never seen Dean in this state of panic.

"Dean," Cas tried calling to him again as he dodged Dean's blows, "I'm here. You're in the bunker. You're safe. Everyone's safe. It's okay."

Dean finally turned his panic-stricken eyes on Cas.

He stopped throwing punches, but he still wasn't breathing.

Dean clutched Cas' arm, finally seeming to realize he was there.

"Dean, calm down." Cas shook Dean's arm gently.

Dean stared, eyes watering as his lungs burned.

Cas sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed Dean by the shoulders.

"Dean, you're not going to be able to breathe until you calm down," Cas said sternly, his fear for the hunter growing every second he wasn't able to draw breath.

Cas gentled his tone. "Dean you're okay. I'm here. Sam is here. Your mom and Jack and Bobby are here. Everybody's safe... Michael is gone."

Dean calmed slightly with every word.

Finally, he gasped a breath.

Relief flooded Cas.

"Good. That's good, Dean. Just breathe."

* * *

Dean was breathing.

He wasn't drowning anymore.

Cas was there.

He was breathing.

Everyone was okay.

Everything would be okay.

Dean threw his arms around Cas and clung to him like a lifeline, afraid that if he let go, the panic would drown him again.

* * *

Cas held Dean as tightly as he could without hurting him and rode out the storm.

Dean's breath came in pants as he shuddered and shook. Slowly, Dean's breathing evened out, returning to a more regular rhythm.

Cas held on, determined to let Dean be the one to let go first; Cas had nowhere to be, he would hold on as long as Dean needed him to.

Cas had no idea how long they stayed like that, holding each other together in the dark. Finally, Dean's grip started to loosen, and Cas realized that Dean had drifted off to sleep again. Cas shifted slightly and gently laid Dean back on the bed, pulling his blankets up to cover his chest.

Just as Cas started to stand and go back to his chair, Dean stirred and grabbed his arm.

"Stay," Dean mumbled, his eyes still closed.

Cas paused for a second before realizing he was too worn out to worry about whether Dean was awake enough to realize what he was saying.

Cas pushed all of the questions about what this meant and if things would be awkward in the morning from his exhausted brain. He kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the covers next to Dean, fully clothed, never breaking Dean's grip on his arm.

Dean slid sideways enough to give Cas room as he settled his weight on the bed.


	2. The Morning After

Dean wasn't sure what he found more surprising when he woke the next morning, the fact that Cas had stayed with him all night, or the fact that Dean, at some point during the night, had turned onto his side and snuggled up to the angel, throwing an arm over his middle and resting his head on Cas' shoulder.

Dean knew he should move.

He should jump away and do his best 'no homo' dance.

But Dean found he didn't want to move.

He had just had the best night's sleep he had had in...well, in years.

Not to mention, Cas seemed to be okay with their current position. His breathing was deep and even, and Dean could hear his heart beating calmly in his chest. If Dean hadn't known better, he would have said that Cas was asleep.

Surely if Cas had had a problem with this he wouldn't have let Dean snuggle up to him while he slept, and he definitely wouldn't have put his arm around Dean to make him more comfortable.

Dean decided that he felt more at peace than he had in ages and he didn't want to let Cas go.

* * *

In fact, Cas _had_ panicked slightly some hours before when Dean had turned and grabbed him around the middle, snuggling closer.

He had looked at Dean in surprise and had seen that the hunter was still sound asleep. Dean had looked so peaceful, and Cas had thought he was sleeping better than he usually did, so Cas had decided not to wake him up.

Cas had gently moved his arm around Dean and the hunter had immediately snuggled in closer and had rested his head on the angel's shoulder.

Cas had found he quite liked this new arrangement.

He had felt the weight of Dean's arm across his stomach, the way the hunter was warm and relaxed, breathing calmly at his side.

It was miles better than just watching Dean sleep from across the room.

Cas had felt calmer than he had in ages and had closed his eyes, a slight smile playing on his face as he had once more slowed his breathing to match Dean's.

* * *

Cas jumped when Dean's alarm went off.

His eyes flew open as Dean reached across him to the bedside table and slapped the offending alarm off none too gently.

Dean froze for a moment, then seemed to come to a decision.

He dropped his head back down on Cas' shoulder, snuggled back into his side and said, "Mornin' Cas."

Cas was somewhat surprised.

He had assumed that Dean would be shocked and maybe even upset at the position he had assumed while sleeping. He had thought Dean might even be a little angry with Cas for letting him do it.

Cas was pleased that Dean didn't seem to be upset at where he found himself and instead had returned comfortably to his side.

"Good morning, Dean." Cas' voice had come out deeper than usual, which the angel told himself was just because he hadn't used it in several hours.

* * *

Dean should get up.

He didn't want to.

Here in this moment everything that he'd done, everything that Michael had done, seemed like a bad dream.

Maybe if Dean just stayed here, with Cas, forever he could pretend that all of it had never happened. He knew that if he left this moment, everything would come crashing down on him again, memories would resurface and he'd have to face them.

But he didn't right now.

Now, here, with his angel, he was safe.

He couldn't stay, though.

Dean knew that.

Sam had been running himself ragged, keeping their new band of hunters safe, looking for ways to stop Michael. Dean couldn't abandon his brother to do all the work alone, no matter how much he longed to hold his angel close and just tell the world to go to hell.

Dean finally rolled on to his back, away from Cas, sat up, and sighed. "I should get up. Go see how Sammy's doing."

* * *

When Dean moved away, Cas felt somehow bereaved without the warmth and comfort of Dean at his side.

For such a new sensation, he felt strangely lost without it.

He had known it wouldn't last, of course.

He and Dean couldn't have stayed like that forever, no matter how tempting that was.

Dean got up and started grabbing clean clothes.

Cas sat up and swung his legs off the side of the bed and started putting his shoes back on.


	3. Sleepless

Dean felt ridiculous.

He couldn't sleep.

He had been up for nearly 48 hours, helping Sam deal with all the insanity that had come into their lives lately, trying to relieve his brother of some of his burden, trying to force Sam to take it easier and get some rest himself.

Dean was practically dead on his feet, yet here he lay, in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for the blessed peace of sleep to come claim him. And sleep was being a bitch.

He refused to think about how much easier it would be to fall asleep if his angel were here with him, and when exactly had he started thinking of Cas as _'his angel'_ anyway.

Dean rolled on to his side and stared at the pillow that Cas had used last night, a slight smile playing on his lips when he remembered the warm safety he had felt that morning, waking up in the crook of Cas' arm.

Dean scowled at himself, when did he get so sappy?

He should stop whining like a baby and accept the fact that Cas was a busy guy and wouldn't be able to stay with Dean whenever Dean wanted him to.

Not that Dean had asked.

Or offered.

Or talked to him about it at all.

* * *

Cas stood outside Dean's door, hesitating.

From the sound of Dean's breathing, he wasn't asleep yet.

Cas couldn't stand out here all night, however. There were many more people in the bunker now and one of them was bound to wander down this hall eventually and see him lurking outside Dean's door.

Cas wasn't sure what was going on with him and Dean, but he felt sure that Dean wouldn't want everyone in the bunker to know about it.

Cas therefore had two options. He could give up on getting any actual rest with Dean and go back to his own room to overanalyze the situation all night, or he could pluck up the courage to face Dean and the possibly extremely awkward conversation waiting on the other side of this door.

* * *

Just as Dean was about to throw something in frustration at not being able to sleep, he heard a knock on his door.

Dean propped himself up on his elbows, ignoring the rush of excitement that it could be Cas on the other side of the door and said, "Come in."

It _was_ Cas who slipped in through the door and stood awkwardly silent on the other side of it.

Dean grinned into the darkness.

He reached over, pulled the covers down on what he had already subconsciously started to think of as _"Cas' side of the bed"_ and casually said, "You're late."


End file.
